Thursday, January 10, 2008

Kansas City Mayor's Wife's Christmas Letter

No kidding. Really:

Believe it or not, but winning the election wasn't the biggest thing to happen to Funk this year. No, getting his first prostate exam, by way of, well, you know where, was the highlight of his year. And watching Funk get the exam was the biggest joy of mine. When I noticed that Funk wasn't bouncing back like he used to, I scheduled him for a physical. Poor Funk didn't know what a physical entailed once you passed age 50, but I did, and I could hardly wait to watch him partake in a similar medical nicety that we women have endured since our teen years. It was only when the nurse told him to take everything off but his socks that I saw Funk get an inkling of what might be coming. The exam took forever and just when Funk thought he escaped what had quickly become his worst nightmare, the doctor ordered him to roll over on his side. I waited in gleeful anticipation as I watched the doctor's sausage-sized fingers go up under the sheet. Trust me, it wasn't too hard to tell when the doctor hit his mark as it was at the exact same moment that I saw Funk's eyes bulge out of his head. Sadly, for me, my sadistic laughter was very short-lived. His eyes hadn't even had the time to go back into his sockets before I heard the doctor announce to the world that the Mayor had the prostate of a 30 year-old. It was upon hearing those words that I knew payback would be swift and cruel for me. Sure enough, it was. Ever since then, Funk has been strutting about the house like he's a young bull in the ring and whenever he happens to catch a glimpse of me, it's as if he's seeing the Matador's red cape for the very first time. I tell you true, it isn't pretty over at the Funkhouser house right about now.


Food for thought....

5 comments:

Frogdancer said...

That's very funny.

I'm wondering what he did to make her send that out.....

The Purloined Letter said...

That's exactly what I was wondering! Then I heard that before she acknowledged that she wrote it, family friends said it was totally in their style--but maybe a little shorter and...um...less personal. Egads!

Carrie K said...

That is hilarious. Can we look forward to this catching on in the wider political arena? Because it'd be a lot more entertaining reading Bill C's Christmas Letter along those lines than the endless and idiotic discussions about emotion and comebacks in the Second. Flipping. Primary.

Ruth said...

Good Lord. Talk about TMI.

Anonymous said...

Maybe this is just one of the reasons she should not be allowed in the Mayor's office????

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