Thursday, December 11, 2008

?

I'm so sorry it has been so long since I've written. Sometimes I wonder if I'm ready to let go of this blog: to just live life, to post once a week (when I'm on schedule) at Green Phone Booth. I could read blogs again! I could read period again--books and the like!

I feel overwhelmed by the minimal demands of my day-to-day. Back when I was writing academic book after academic book, I had an excuse for not getting anything done. Now I don't. I sit at home watching my child grow up, watching my houseplants freeze in our cold home, watching the world go by, dreaming up new projects that I barely start because just bathing is enough for one day...

I feel guilty for not getting more done. I feel guilty for throwing away my Ivy League education, yada yada. I feel guilty for presenting a model my child probably has no idea he should feel pressured about. I feel guilty for presenting very few models other than a mother who blogs intermittently, knits obsessively, reads about the end of the world while sitting on the couch, and drinks red wine.

So yes, I am on vacation for a little while. More eventually.

9 comments:

cici said...

everyone needs a break now and again. I know that I surely do! No worries. Please don't feel guilty. Take as much time as you need. Enjoy the upcoming Holidays!:)

Amy said...

I think the cure for blog ennui is a well-deserved break. If the blog should continue, you'll feel inspired to come back.

NeedleDancer said...

Sounds a bit like you need a bit of outside stimulation. If you're sitting about home interacting with kids (and cold plants) instead of fellow academicians with complex thought discussions, it takes its toll. Ask me how I know. :-)
But... it could also be that you need a break...
or both.
Either way, the blog (as much as we miss you) shouldn't be top priority. Running away to visit me for a few days should be (lol).
Focus on having fun for the holidays, and finding one thing that brings you open joy.

C Meir said...

This reminds me of a joke:

~The Greek say, “I’m tired and thirsty, ~I must have Ouzo.”
~The German say, “I’m tired and thirsty, I must have Beer.”
~The Japanese say, “I’m tired and thirsty, I must have Saki.”
~The Jew say, “I’m tired and thirsty, I must have Diabetes.”

What is it about my tribe that has us attach so much to everything? A moment of not feeling like writing evolves into questioning the worth of education and the existence of a blog. Chill, woman. Sit on that couch, drink that wine, wrap up in a favorite throw and remember not feeling like writing is sometimes just that and nothing more.

Francesca said...

Funnily enough, I am today officially shutting down my pre-existing blog presence and moving onwards. I do think that there are times that draw out certain of our internal voices and that, when the times change, our voices do too and the forums (fora?) we share ourselves in change.

You know that I have been all but vanished from the blogosphere. It's been very good for me to allow myself to change without meditating on it in a semi-public manner (as I used to do on my blog). The changes have been too intense, too personal, too fiery -- and the time leading up to those changes too dark and strange.

Children age and change and our roles, that we carefully nurtured and created for ourselves, change too. But children are natural changers. They grow and leap from one stage to the next, casting off their younger selves with nary a thought (as it should be). It is harder for us. We are older and have fewer changes to make and more to lose by changing. But we still do. We still need to change. And when we do, for a moment at least, I think we feel as the children do -- free to run forward and find out who we are this week.

Winter is also a very contemplative time. A time for drawing in and storing up energy for the next season. I recommend Loreena McKennit's To Drive the Cold Winter Away, a fire in the fireplace (if possible), a glass of wine and something large and warm to knit. Hibernation is good too.

And you can always come see us too. You are always always welcome.

Claudia's thoughts said...

Do not consider it as throwing away an Ivy League education, consider it a hiatus.

Domestic Accident said...

Hey, if reading at the other end of the couch with wine is wrong, I don't want to be right. Looking forward to your return.

Carrie K said...

Blog Without Obligation or guilt. And what do you mean, you're not getting anything done? You're raising a child. Dreaming up new projects. Sometimes you need to lie fallow.

Kathy "Peak Shrink" McMahon said...

So glad I'm not the only one who feels like this. It isn't enough to feel guilty and like a big failure of one sort or another. On TOP of it, to feel BAD about feeling BAD.

This, only the brilliance of the human mind can conjure up.

Winter will pass, I promise. Make sure you have a vat of soup ready, and it's easier to feel successful. (At least it works for me...)

Thanks for writing that. Glad to know we all feel crappy sometimes. I try to remember that I was expecting this collapse for a while, and now it's here (but without the bugles.)

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